


The Great SOLDIER/Turk Prank War of 0001 Comes to an End or That Time Reno Almost Murdered Zack

by mothicalcreatures (laelreenia)



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Crack, Gen, Prank Wars, otp feels meme, zack is poly as hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 09:41:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13074198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laelreenia/pseuds/mothicalcreatures
Summary: Putting toner in Reno's shampoo was not Zack's best move.





	The Great SOLDIER/Turk Prank War of 0001 Comes to an End or That Time Reno Almost Murdered Zack

**Author's Note:**

> otp feels meme prompt day 4: pink.  
> (day three is coming, i just wrote it on paper and left it in my work pants... at work)

Pink.

His hair was pink.

To say that Reno was upset would be a _massive_ understatement. He was absolutely seething. He stalked out of the bathroom, throwing on his clothes and grabbing his mag rod.

“Renooo…” Rude trailed off when he saw the combination of Reno’s pink hair and murder face.

“Don’t. Say. Anything.”

“Not a word.”

Reno swept out past him, headed for the SOLDIER quarters.

 

It had started as a mild prank war between SOLDIER and the Turks to alleviate the boredom of being cooped up at headquarters doing paperwork, but considering certain people involved it… well, frankly was destined for disaster from the start. The only rules from the get go was that General Sephiroth and a vast majority of the Execs were off limits. So things like swapping the sugar for salt in the SOLDIER cafeteria coffee machines was fine (Sephiroth drank exclusively unsweetened tea) or switching the Turks’ coffee with caffeine free coffee, was all fair game. Naturally things had escalated beyond that, sending increasingly disgusting things to offices, exploding glitter envelopes. But Reno drew the line at putting _toner_ _in shampoo._ And now there was a certain someone that would be getting a visit from Reno, who had no doubt that this was the work of one newly promoted SOLDIER First Class Zachary Fair.

 

It did not take long for Zack to realize that he maybe had not thought through what the consequences of putting toner in Reno’s shampoo bottle would be. At the time, it had seemed like the proper response to Reno and he was pretty sure Cissnei, setting a cactuar loose in his new office. That had been a mess. Still nothing had been (too) permanently damaged by that. Reno having pink hair… well, that would be a longer lasting issue. So it was time to go hide in Sephiroth’s office, which would, hopefully, give him time to figure out his game plan, since he assumed that Reno would still honor the “not involving General Sephiroth in the SOLDIER/Turk prank war” rule.

 

“Hey, babe,” Zack said, sauntering into Sephiroth’s office and immediately regretting his choice of greeting.

The pen Sephiroth had been writing with snapped in two.

“Sorry, sorry,” Zack said. “I was just wondering, there’s this new restaurant that just opened up and I know you don’t normally do dates…”

“You didn’t come in here to ask me out on a date,” Sephiroth said. “You and I don’t do dates, you and Aerith do dates. And frankly, I don’t have time for this Zack, what did you do?”

“Who said I did anything? And hey, there’s no reason that we _can’t_ do dates.”

“You look guilty and I happen to know that Reno has been seen stalking through the SOLDIER offices and barracks with bright pink hair. Now considering the recent goings on I would hazard that you had something to do with Reno’s current situation.”

Zack grimaced. “I may not have thought my last prank through.”

“Clearly.”

“Come on Seph, can’t you like, hide me or send me on an errand off base. Anything, _please._ ”

“If I need an errand run by a SOLDIER I’d ask a Third or a Second, not another First.”

Zack groaned. “I’m going to die.”

“I’m sure Reno won’t go that far,” Sephiroth said. “He’d be looking at an early retirement if he killed a First.”

“Early re- oh, right.” That whole, ‘Turks only retire when they die’ thing. “That’s not the point, Seph.”

“I’ll visit you in the infirmary. Now get of my office.”

“Seph!”

“Out.”

 

Reno was thrilled to see Zack, very sullenly, slinking out of Sephiroth’s office just as he was coming down the hall. “Hey, Zack!” Reno called. “Perfect timing, my baton has a meeting with your fucking face!”

Zack whipped around as horror dawned on his face and not a moment later broke into a dead sprint down the hall away from Reno.

Reno cursed his big mouth and inability to do anything quietly as he took off down the hall after Zack. He should have just snuck up behind Zack and jumped him, Zack had never been the most careful about watching his back.

“Does it help any to say I’m sorry?” Zack called over his shoulder.

“Nope!”

Zack slide into a turn at the last second and Reno, who had never been able to say he was particularly coordinated careened straight into a wall. “Fair!”

Reno is so intent on getting to Zack that it doesn’t occur to him there might be a reason when Zack stops dead in the middle of the hallway and barrels into his back.

Zack, stumbles forward put manages to stay upright and Reno realizes what Zack’s saying.

“Sorry, Heidegger sir, we will keep it down.”

There was a humph from Heidegger and then Zack turned around. “Can we call it a truce if I buy you hair dye?”

Reno scowled. “Fine, but this isn’t over.”

 

It was, in fact, over, as the following day there were strict orders from the top that the prank war was to cease, much to Reno's chagrin and Zack's relief.


End file.
